


Observation 101

by carolej126



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Magnificent Seven AU: ATF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 06:12:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4049233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolej126/pseuds/carolej126
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally published in Magnificent Shorts 3 (Neon Rainbow Press, 2008)</p><p>Vin's observational skills are put to the test.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Observation 101

Vin Tanner slouched a little bit further in his chair, letting out a sigh as he stiffly moved from one uncomfortable position to another, his butt cheeks numb after more than four hours of sitting. Surreptitiously checking his watch, he smiled faintly. 4:52 p.m. Eight minutes to go, and this class, this conference, this boredom would be over. At least until next year. 

Next to him, Larabee sat, eyes on the instructor, although Vin could tell the man's thoughts were far away. Ezra, on the other side of Chris, was busily writing something on the class outline that had been handed out, but Vin was pretty sure his notes had nothing to do with Observational Skills and Techniques: A Refresher Course. Further down the row, Nathan and Josiah were both sitting up straight, taking notes, and answering the occasional questions posed by the teacher. Vin shook his head. Show-offs.

Returning his attention back to the class instructor, he listened just long enough to confirm that she was still reading from the paper in her hand, and speaking in that same flat monotonous voice, before closing his eyes for a brief nap.

"Now, in review, let's look at... Uh uhm..."

Vin's eyes flew open as the lecture suddenly stopped and the instructor cleared her throat in an obvious bid for attention. With a sinking feeling, he realized her gaze was focused on him and she was zeroing in on the name tag pinned to his shirt. 

"Mr. Tanner," she called. 

Wondering briefly if she was about to "Tsk, tsk, tsk," at him for almost falling asleep, Vin straightened up in his chair, presenting an alert and attentive facade. "Yes, ma'am?"

"I realize it's been a long day," she paused to reposition the glasses on her nose, "but I really feel that it is your best interest to pay careful attention to each and every one of my words. After all, it is only by careful attentiveness that we are able to glean valuable nuggets of knowledge." 

"Yes, ma'am," he repeated, trying to keep a straight face as his mind replayed the "valuable nuggets of knowledge" part of her speech. Several times.

"Perhaps you'd like to demonstrate your observational skills for the rest of the class?"

Vin heard muffled laughter, and aimed a glare at the man next to him. If looks could kill, Chris would have been reduced into a steaming pile of black sludge right then and there.

"Uh, no, thank you, ma'am." 

Matching snickers rang out from behind him. He didn't need to turn around to see the culprits, knowing Buck and JD had found seats directly behind his own. 

A quick survey of the rest of the class revealed a variety of expressions. A few wore commiserating looks, others simply looked relieved that he'd been the one caught nodding off. Smug looks graced the faces of three men on the other side of the room, and Vin recognized them as fellow ATF agents who'd been quite vocal regarding their disdain for Team Seven and its reputation. They were obviously hoping that Vin would embarrass not only himself, but the rest of his team. 

"Oh, I insist, Mr. Tanner." She smiled, baring her teeth in a most unattractive way and slightly resembling a hungry wolf closing in on its prey. "Now class, ten minutes ago someone entered this room, ostensibly to deliver these papers." She held up a folder. "Let's see just how good Mr. Tanner's observational skills are, shall we? If you would please, I'd like you to describe that individual to our class, in as much detail as possible."

"Good thing she didn't pick Ezra," Buck murmured to JD, just loud enough for Vin to hear, "we'd have been here all night."

"And we wouldn't have understood a word he said," JD whispered back.

"Mr. Tanner? Are you going to describe the individual in question, or would you like me to begin our lecture over, from the beginning?"

There was a chorus of groans, quickly muffled when she raised a single threatening-only-in-her-mind finger.

Tanner was tempted to raise a finger of his own. The middle one. Start the lecture over? There was no way in hell! "I reckon I can do that," he drawled.

The instructor nodded. "Go ahead then." Dramatically spreading her arms wide, she gestured at the entire class. "Please impress us with your observational skills."

Piece 'a cake. Vin leaned back in his chair, his eyes slightly closed. "Male, jist under six foot, one hundred and ninety pounds," he began.

"Is that all, Mr. Tanner?" she asked in her most patronizing tone.

"No, ma'am." Vin flashed her a smile. That definitely wasn't all. "I was jist gettin' started. He was in his mid- to late-thirties and looked like he fergot to shave fer a few days. He had short brown hair and a big bald spot on the top of his head. Couldn't see the color of his eyes from here, but they was dark and set close together."

There was a hint of color on the woman's face. "Yes, uh, Mr. Tanner, that will be-"

Vin shook his head. "Excuse me, ma'am, but I ain't done. He was wearin' blue jeans with a wide silver-buckled black belt, a long-sleeved black tee shirt, white socks, and white tennis shoes. Nike, size ten," he added.

"Well, yes, uh, thank you," she stuttered, wearing a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"There was a gold watch on his left arm," Vin continued, as if she hadn't spoken, "and he had two rings, one on each hand. Cain't be positive, but I think they was imitation diamonds like the ones ya see on the shoppin' channel." He took a breath. "He had some change in his pocket, not sure how much 'cause I couldn't see it, but I could hear it jingle when he was walkin', so it was prob'ly enough fer a candy bar or two." 

At each added detail, the instructor sank a little more into her chair, and by the time Vin came to a stop, she resembled a deflated balloon. 

Vin took a quick look at his watch. Time for the clincher. "That's 'bout it. Oh, I'm not sure what kinda shorts he was wearin', but he looked like a "briefs" man to me."

The room dissolved in laughter.

And Erma Jean Stanholp, conference instructor for the past thirty years, threw in the towel.

"Oh, my goodness, look at the time!" she suddenly exclaimed, making an obvious point of checking her watch. "Class is dismissed. Your certificate of attendance will be mailed to you." She quickly gathered up her papers, grabbed her briefcase, and left the room without looking back.

Vin Tanner slouched back into his chair, a wide grin on his face as he checked the time. 4:58 p.m. Two minutes early. Not bad. 

 

~end~


End file.
